6 months sober: 6 things I've learned

Why did I decide to stop drinking (for a while at least)? I was on a night out in Brighton with my boyfriend and his cousin last October. They hadn’t seen each other in ages and he was really excited for it. The sequence of events is hazy but I remember screaming at a bouncer who yelled at me for going into a private room; I was lost and trying to find the way out when I stumbled into it. I was completely triggered and ended up in a blind rage of uncontrollable crying. Jack, without hesitation, looked after me and took me home; he’d never say it but I ruined his night. My reaction was completely disproportionate to the situation and unfortunately this had become a pretty common occurrence.

For the past 8 years, I’ve had the best and the worst time while drinking. Rolling on the floor laughing or screaming at strangers and crying over bad memories. I would always be on a tipping point with no idea which way I would go and what would set me off next. After that night out in October I decided to stop altogether. Many people said “just drink less” but I was curious and the more people didn't think I’d do it the more it spurred me on. Now it’s not something I even really think about.

I’m not going to go into the health benefits or how nice it is to wake up feeling fresh cause it’s boring and to be honest I’ve had nights that are so worth the hangover. But here are some things I have learned:

1. People have questions

It’s the one healthy lifestyle choice you make that people will try and talk you out of. I do get it, it takes people by surprise and they're curious: I’m 23, I love a drink and I’m not on medication. But this new identifier can change how people respond to you going forward. We’re all in this together, except you. You’ve jarred the presupposed understanding of your role for the evening and immediately aren’t partaking in the fun. I won't lie, this is a pretty shit feeling and the biggest hurdle to get past. You have to make an effort and prove them wrong, which was quite easy for me because I’m extroverted and will chat away endlessly. But the start of the night is a subconscious test; once you’re seen to still be fun, loud and in keeping with everyone’s vibe you’re fine - everyone gets drunk and they stop caring you’ve got a soda lime minus the vodka.

2. Choose your drinks wisely

I found it easier to drink something slightly bitter which could be mistaken for alcohol. People notice less and you drink it slower; don’t be downing pints of orange juice while people are nursing beers at a pub sesh - you’ll feel awkward and everyone comments on empty glasses.

3. Nights out are just as fun

A week in and some friends and I went to Electric Brixton for Halloween. I hadn't been sober in a club since freshers sober duty (fortunately this time I wasn’t wearing a neon “I AM HERE TO HELP” t-shirt). For the first hour I had such imposter syndrome: it was like I didn’t have I-D and shouldn’t be there. But once you become less aware of yourself, realise no one's wondering what's in your cup and actually try to have fun, you will. Dancing helps and I was on one of those “natural highs” (yes I did say that). I made up the best dance routines when I was 8 and sober, so dammit why not now? I found I absorbed everyone else’s energy: you've just got to be with the right people. I was with my best friend - my favourite nights are always with her no matter what level I'm on.

4. Drunk people repeat themselves, you're going to have to get over it

It’s much harder to bullshit your way through an evening when sober. Being stuck with that mutual friend at a party is a lot easier when you’re buzzed; alcohol has been a comfort blanket for every social situation I’ve been in since I was 16. I think this can be one of the most off-putting things; no matter who you’re with, you’ve already got alcohol in common, and without it you’ve got to start from scratch. I realised I’m entirely capable of making this effort without a crutch. Move past feeling self-conscious and have a “give a fuck” attitude without alcohol to take the edge off.

5. It's good to give a heads-up

Tell people beforehand: you don’t have to justify it, but like it or not, drinking is a societal ritual. You’ll most likely be presented with a glass of champagne on entry or there won't be soft options at the dinner party, so this saves on any awkward glances or "I think we might have some squash" conversations. In the same way people bring a bottle as a gesture, bring your own alternatives; but in general, hosts just like to host and I found friends would proudly gesture to the selection of cordials and tonics bought in preparation for my visit. One host got so invested, he started chopping up the mint intended for the meal and began concocting leafy mock-tails.

6. Guilt-free Ubers are the best

You will save a SHIT LOAD of money. Ending your night lounged guilt-free in the back of an Uber - fuck it, order a luxe - rather than having to get the night bus home is a dream. I've also had way more money to buy clothes so you tell me who's winning... People buy you drinks and bartenders can't be bothered to put your order through. They’ll probably say no, but if you're with a group, still offer to get the next round: you’ll feel more included and people will appreciate it.

I honestly don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything for the last 6 months; I’ve been out all night and still had a decent Sunday.

But if there are two takeaways, they’re these:

1. If you’re sober at social events you’re going to have to make more of an effort with people. If you embrace it then after a while it becomes the new norm and you’ll stop noticing.

2. If someone tells you they're not drinking alcohol, they shouldn’t need to justify it. They might have every reason or no reason at all, both are valid. Just treat them normally, because...it is normal.

P.S I discovered a really amazing independent brand of alcohol-free beer, check out Freestar